Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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