i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize