i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize