Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
