One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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