He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
