porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
