i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
