so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
