Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
