hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.