Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist