so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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