and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
