I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize