it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's shark week go big or go home
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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