the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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