You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize