peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize