I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
