So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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