He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm passing your future prison.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?