I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family