dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS