Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I could make wine with my vomit
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
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Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.