Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive