hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
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Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible