She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
