I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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