what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
