she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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