Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
