I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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