my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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