I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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