; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
