I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
