dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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