I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
