dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
