shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
