i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
