There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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