I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
