can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
