My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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