it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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