Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
