Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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