bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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