Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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