i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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