Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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