Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize