I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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