Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
